14 April 2008

You Got Religion in My Politics! (You Got Politics in My Religion!)

Sorry Democrats, looks like it's that time again, when evangelicals nationwide will firmly announce that they won't vote for you just because you like killing babies. It's terrible you had to hear it this way, I know.

Maybe you could just give them the platform they want. After all, America is a Christian nation, and it is our Christian tradition which has given us our moral philosophy. I know some people think you don't have a moral philosophy, but deep down, maybe you could at least pretend, just for the evangelicals.

Would it really be so bad, letting that one demographic hold sway over national policy? Everyone else could just put our heads down and power through. We won't feel stratified at all, I promise.

You remember Dred Scott, right? If we had all just listened to the Evangelicals back then, we probably could have avoided that whole Civil War debacle. And we know how much you hate war (and that one was totally not about oil either).

So, I know you'd like to have your candidate (whichever one— both fine choices) in the White House. My advice is to just admit that life begins when the Evangelicals say the Good Lord says it does.

In fact, you might want to draw some leadership inspiration from some of the heroes of the faith. Try Ehud. He was left-handed, which is a lot like being black or a woman. Good luck— or should I say, God luck— in November, baby-killers!

1 comment:

Scottish said...

So I'd love to have an expanded discussion on this issue... the problem is I'm not sure where to begin :) The point of your satirical piece is obviously that the far-right Evangelicals are loony and unhelpful in taking black-and-white stances, but that doesn't help me decide how this issue should or should not affect my vote in November.