11 June 2008

One, Two, Three Headlines

Sometimes, the news is awesome. Here are three examples, thanks to MSNBC:

I'm not dead yet.

Remember those vague bits of advice your dad gave you? Like, “keep your nose clean,” “wash behind your ears” and “never pet a burning dog?” One of the most memorable was “measure twice, cut once,” and it turns out it applies not only to making birdhouses and spice racks but to organ harvesting. That's a tough one to explain. “Sorry, Laz, we need your corneas, a kidney and part of your liver.”

Dubious honors.

Ask Lou Gehrig about how it is having something named after you. I'll bet his answer would be something like, “not great.” And while a catfish isn't quite in the same order of magnitude as a debilitating disease, I don't think I'd feel honored to have one named after me, let alone a thick-lipped one. Double points, however, for the snarky scientist who named a slime mold after President Bush.

Weird terrorists get no respect.

Pipe bombs suck, but a great way to improve them is, instead of having them fire off shrapnel, how about chicken nuggets? But I suppose even chicken nuggets could pack too much punch. Better send in the bomb squad. Only, I don't want to make that call. “Hey, bomb squad, we've got the road blocked off. It's safe to diffuse the chicken now.”

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