18 August 2008

Back with a Bash!

As it turns out, wiping your hard drive and starting over works pretty good.

That's not the point. The point is, everyone loves Creation Moments. It's not just the absurd gaps in logic or the questionable biblical interpretation. It's the fact that Creation Moments never disappoint.

In today's, linked above, we learn something about Satan. Namely, he is like a wasp that wants to lay eggs in our brains so he can control us like little insectoid zombies. We learn by extension that there are a lot of horror movies that are even more derivative than we first suspected.

We also learn that aphids sometimes commit suicide to stop the zombie eggs, and we can stop Satan's zombie eggs by believing in Jesus. So, belief in Jesus is like suicide? I have to imagine even the Unitarian Universalists aren't going to like that and they pretty much like everything.

I guess praying to God for protection against Satan— or anything else, really— laying eggs in your brain and controlling you is pretty legit. Right up there with "Thy will be done."

Getting There

Hey all, sorry for the lack of updates. My computer recently started freaking out. I've done a clean reinstall, so I'm updating and resetting everything and getting up and running again. Once I am, watch out, because you'll have more half-assed, smart-ass remarks (possibly about the size of people's asses) than you can shake your ass at.

For now, enjoy some Human Giant.

07 August 2008


Guys, I cleaned up my computer and it's running pretty smoothly now. That's the awesome bit. The decidedly not awesome bit is that I've lost a lot of my settings and preferences, including my RSS subscriptions.

It's a lousy excuse for writing a post about anything that's not an excuse for writing a post, but it gives you the opportunity to find a crazy story or website for me to write about next time. Just send 'em along, and I'll probably make fun of someone for no very good reason.

Also, check out my laziness!

This Is an Example of Poor Use of Negative Space

If you want an easily recognizable symbol to show kids where to go if they are threatened in any way, I think it's a good idea to pick anything unlike the Safe Place logo.

I'm confident that readers of this blog are intelligent enough to find a number of ways in which this is just wrong, but humor me as I point out one in particular: even if interpreted somewhat positively, and not in a way that would include someone groping you, the logo basically says, "Hey black kids, if you're threatened, let whitey help you. You can trust whitey."

Whichever way you understand the sign (and I hope you'll share in the comments sections), you have to agree: that logo is pretty fucking sinister.

06 August 2008

No Editing on This Post. Have Fun.

Mechanics have to be some of the most illogical people on earth. This has nothing to do with mechanical knowledge and everything to do with socialization.

I think most people understand how unreasonable the prices quoted by mechanics can be, and that's an aspect of socialization. Mechanics don't understand how ridiculous those prices are, they're like the kid in school who inexplicably had access to just about anything restricted and who asked way too much for is services, thereby ensuring that no shenanigans of any sort ensued.

Recently, I went to a mechanic to have my car inspected. It failed due to a broken side marker, which is apparently a safety hazard even though the turn signal on that side works perfectly and partially wraps around the side of the car. Anyway, I had to get it replaced, so I went to a dealer— who managed to also have the lowest price— and installed the part. Pretty simple.

Today, I brought the car back to the mechanic who had surprisingly offered to reinspect the car for free as long as I brought it back within 30 days. When i arrived, I was told that with only one technician available that evening, they wouldn't be able to get it done today.

Now, I suppose I have an unclear understanding of everything that goes into being a mechanic, but I'm pretty sure I can look at a side marker and tell if it's working or not. In fact, I know I can, since I did so to ensure I had installed it correctly in the first place.

And even though I pointed this out and also pointed out that the inspection had been completed in full and the only thing wrong was the then malfunctioning side marker, this guy refused. I can only assume this is because of some bizarre inability to interact socially in a reasonable way with other human beings.

I'm a jerk, and I understand that, and I also get that I'm not great at picking up social cues and that I'm usually mostly unwilling to help out if I don't have to. In this situation, knowing the minimal work involved and recognizing that I almost literally did not have to get my hands dirty despite working at a job which consists entirely of getting one's hands dirty, I think I could have helped out.

And that's why all mechanics are sociopaths.

03 August 2008

You Know I'm Out of Practice When I Start Picking on Teenagers

I'm not the type of person who likes to join clubs. I also don't use the phrase "join the club" if I can help it. And under normal circumstances, I would not disparage a young person's dreams. On this occasion, however, I feel I have no choice. I will not join the No Cussing Club.

I will give credit to the youngster who started the NCC on the grounds that he has taken initiative and accomplished something he set his mind to and I am basically lazy as fuck. Part of the problem, of course, is that he could never abide that compliment.

But the main problem (this time) is that the website is horrible, and it's not a problem specific to the NCC. You know what other club I'll never join also has a terribly designed website? The KKK.

I'm not saying that racism and not cussing are anywhere near the same level. While I would not be a part of either group due to their respective content, I would also not want to associate with them on aesthetic grounds.

There's nothing particularly profound I intend to say regarding this, because, again, lazy. I simply find it interesting that the aesthetic appeal of a group's website precludes my even considering joining. It's the same reason I always want to get into the band Fugazi. I know next to nothing about them, but I love their album covers.

So the point of this post is, don't make things that look like shit. Also, I probably won't stop cussing.

Twitter Is Jealous I Posted Something this Brief

For whatever reason this book doesn't reminder me of temptation, unless you count the temptation to play Whack-a-Mole.