24 November 2008

In a Nice Way, Not a Racist Way

You know what I don't see enough of? Kids named after dictators. Apparently, Italy's Movimento Sociale-Fiamma Tricolore felt exactly the same way and is now offering couples containing at least one Italian money to name their children either Benito or Rachele. No word yet on doubling up if both names are used.

The MS-FT insists that the names are really "nice," and not in any way racist or fascist. Which is good, since when a child finds out their identity is a result of their parents accepting money to name them after a dead dictator, they will probably turn into, well, a little Mussolini.

On the other hand, at least the far-right wing party in Italy is attempting to bail out their country's low birth rate rather than some stupid banks. Make love, not complex financial decisions.

21 November 2008

Three Things Arranged in Varieties of Weirdness

In some cases, awesome doesn't cut it. Explosions can be awesome like a James Bond movie or terrifying like the simultaneous and violent back-up of every toilet in Grand Central Station. When a package of flour inexplicably explodes in your kitchen, it is neither awesome nor terrifying, but it is weird and very often funny. So without only the most necessary commentary, three things arranged in varieties of weirdness.

SOMETHING THAT IS WEIRD IN AN ICONIC WAY

Whenever I think of how funny Dane Cook is, I immediately run head-first into the nearest wall, because Dane Cook is not funny in any way. Then, I try to think of something that is actually funny, and now that has become even easier to do.

SOMETHING THAT IS WEIRD IN AN IRONIC WAY

It's hard to decipher what exactly is the best part of this photo. I think it may be that Bush's hand seems to be showing the kid how to execute a fist bump, but his face tells us that this is possibly the first time he's ever done anything like it.

SOMETHING THAT IS WEIRD IN A DISTURBING WAY

Things in this photo that have potential: martial arts. Things that I'm not so sure about: the fact that this is an instructional book, that slapping someone in the balls has a classical name, the maneuver itself. This list is in no way exhaustive.

07 November 2008

Three Things, Arranged in Degrees of Awesomeness

Things can be awesome in different ways. We all know this. Maybe something is awesome like discovering an Earth-like planet capable of supporting life. Maybe something is awesome like the next James Bond movie. Maybe something is only as awesome as a hot dog. Here are three things I found today, arranged by degree of awesomeness:

SOMETHING THAT IS AWESOME

I don't care what you say about your music preference. Rock is the best. Need proof? Here it is. Rock is the music of the universe.

SOMETHING THAT MIGHT NOT BE THAT AWESOME

I have a few skills. I may even excel at one or two things. But I could never, ever, be the best at whatever the hell this is.

SOMETHING THAT IS DECIDEDLY NOT AWESOME AT ALL

Not every hope is realized.

05 November 2008

Really?! You're restarting the Cold War? Really?!!

I'll tell you what sweet piece of land I'd like to get myself a part of: the Baltic. And while it may be one of the cheapest properties in Monopoly, it has got be one of finest slices of real estate in Eurasia. And I'm not the only one who thinks so, Russian President Medvedev would seem to agree. Which is why he sent tanks with missiles on them to protect it.

Naturally and reasonably, these missiles are only a defense against the US missiles in the area, which are a defense against any missiles and rogue nations or groups might have, and THOSE missiles are meant for blowing the shit out of whatever seems like a good idea at the time. Also, Russia's missile tanks look like they have embarrassing junior high erections. Chill out, guys!

I guess what I'm getting at is, really?! You're going to rekindle to Cold War? Really?! How does that make a damn bit of sense?