04 December 2008

Good News for People Who Love Our President

Are you concerned about the crisis in our nation today? I don't mean two wars, a recession and the oncoming collapse of our health care system. I mean the crisis of comedy. When President Bush leaves office, who are we going to laugh at? I ask you America, who else could bring us some of the most terrifying smiles we have ever smiled?

I have good news. Of course, W. can never have a third term, but it turns out we might have a new Bush on the Hill. Even better, it might be Jeb. Sure, he wouldn't hold the highest office in the country, and I kind of dig those glasses, but the prospect of him saying anything vaguely crazy combined with the publicity he'd receive is like being promised a pony for Christmas knowing that it will likely be set on fire. A really hilarious fire.

But maybe that's not enough for you. Maybe you wish you were from Kansas City, where your biggest worry would be who wears the pants in the mayor's office. It turns out the person the people thought was a straight-shooter was only a holster for the real six-gun. Gives a new spin on being pistol-whipped.

Even if you're not from Kansas City, and even if ol' Jeb doesn't wind up in the Senate, just be glad US politicians aren't the kinds of people to simply give up when people don't like them. If President Bush (or Hilary) had done that, we'd be completely lost, comedically speaking.

Perhaps the only thing President Bush could have done better is what Canadian Governor General Michaƫlle Jean did per request of Prime Minister Stephen Harper when she dissolved* Parliament. And I don't mean to say she Yoko Ono'd a beloved funk group. She cold-cocked an entire democratically elected government body just because the PM didn't want to lose his job.

Maybe she did it for the same reason the Queen of England knights people; it's largely the only thing she's able to do. That, and tell an entire free country to go fuck itself. Whatever the reason, it's exactly the kind of dick move we'd expect out of President Bush and what simultaneously enchants and repulses us about him. We'll miss you, W.


*Technically not dissolved, but prorogued. Her Excellency is ballsy, but she's no Cromwell.

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