06 January 2010

Watch Less Football, Play More Fantasy

I've only played football a couple of times in my entire life, which is why I haven't played more football in my life. But football— American football, as if we were all still making that distinction— is enjoyable primarily by not playing it. In fact, football is becoming increasingly enjoyed by mostly not even watching it.

I'm referring, of course, to fantasy football, which is an amazing game for a number of reasons, not least of which is the fact that it takes more time to administer than a regular match of the game on which it relies. This is especially impressive since every football game consists of 15-minute quarters crammed into a 3-hour span.

Fantasy football allows a player to pretend to be a team owner, pretend to draft players who actually do play football and pretend to have a meaningful understanding of statistics. Of course, all the calculations are performed by computers and all the raw data gathered elsewhere. Many leagues allow for random computer-generated drafts. The only thing a participant needs to do is sign up and come up with a team name which will intimidate and/or confuse their supposed opponents.

Given that a large portion of those participating don't understand football, let alone fully understand the very game they are playing, that the average of nine hours a week spent playing the game are spent on the internet, that participants assume an identity and position they do not posses nor occupy in real life and that the game involves an unappealing number of calculations, it is accurate to say that fantasy football is actually almost exactly like Dungeons & Dragons for people who like pizza rolls.

Which is to say it is exactly like Dungeons & Dragons, save that it requires very little imagination.

So, I suppose what I'm trying to express is that, while I've never been a football fan, it is a little disappointing that what is allegedly a a very manly game (football) has spawned what is a decidedly unmanly game (fantasy football). And not only that, but given the lack of creativity, concentration, physical ability, mental capacity, or anything short of an internet connection, fantasy football is possibly the least manly game, ever.

Even behind Dungeons & Dragons. Even behind Girl Talk.

Play on.

1 comment:

Avila said...

The best thing about D&D? Costumes. I've never seen anyone playing fantasy football dress up like a team owner.