How to Recognize Bullshit from Quite a Long Way Away

You probably listen to music. Everyone in America does. The only people who don't are people in weird religious sects/militias. My guess is that if you're in that type of organization, you haven't stumbled on this blog, except maybe accidentally by searching for how to increase membership in your organization.

ANYWAY, we're talking about music here, and everyone agrees, especially Rolling Stone writers and editors that music, especially popular music, is always very important. And I agree with them. Every album ever made is significant. The trick is only in finding out how. And I ask you, my friends, why go through the effort to find out when you could just make up reasons why an album is important?

To that end, I'll be adding a new column here at Meatiocrity called "The Best New Album of the Year, Ever." Here's how it'll work:

• Every couple of weeks, I'll go to a local independent music store. No FYE or anything like that. I'm doing this Empire Records style. Anyway, I don't need to explain my art to you. But I will, mainly out of my own personal sense of self-indulgence.
• I will only buy music displayed on one of the listening booths. Nothing off the regular racks. This is because I like to keep things fresh.
• No compilations or best-of albums. That stuff is weak sauce. And everyone agrees those are almost never important or significant.
• The album gets a full, uninterrupted listen, plus exclusive play in my car for at least 3 days. I know this is way more air time than most music reviewers give new albums, but I'm not getting these for free like they are, so I value them more.
• I write a review where I invent reasons for the album to be culturally significant. So, basically, I write a review.

Look for the first edition of "The Best New Album of the Year, Ever" later this week.