Have you seen an original movie this year? Me neither, and not just because I was banned from no fewer than three area theaters for requesting to bathe in the popcorn machine. That hot butter is so relaxing! ANYWAY, I've come up with some "original" ideas to help out Hollywood:
The Arthurian Candidate
Arthur Shaw is the hero of the War in Afghanistan for finally capturing Osama bin Laden. But when Arthur's fellow Marines, led by Lance Martin, start to have the same dream— that Arthur's intel about Osama bin Laden actually came from a mysterious lady in a lake rather than real American hard work— they discover that the Taliban travelled back in time to kidnap and brainwash King Arthur to think he needed to install himself as king in the White House at Avalon, which is really Washington, D.C. The twist is that Lance is ALSO a sleeper agent from the past who winds up ruining Arthur's political future by exposing the saucy affair Arthur's wife, Jennifer Shaw, had with one of Arthur's main advisors— who turns out to be Lance himself! The ending is a cliffhanger so that we can do up a sequel real quick.
Directed by M. Night Shyamalan
Jason Stratham as Arthur Shaw/King Arthur
Eric Bana as Lance Martin/Lancelot
Jennifer Lopez as Jennifer Shaw/Guinevere
Time Thieves
Time Thieves is a madcap romp through the life of office drone Rob Phelps as he and his friends Jason and Tim try to waste time at work without being caught by their micro-managing boss Evan Dunbury or office tattle-tale Wayne Welks. But will Rob take his job seriously in order to win away the heart of the newly hired salesperson Lisa Kirkpatrick from her jealous jerk of a boyfriend Jeremy?
Directed by Kevin Smith
Jim Gaffigan as Rob Phelps
Aziz Ansari as Jason Winchester
Demtri Martin as Tim Rana
Kevin Nealon as Evan Dunbury
John Hodgman as Wayne Welks
Kristen Bell as Lisa Kirkpatrick
Jemaine Clement as Jeremy Stone
The Fighting Vuvuzelas
The Fighting Vuvuzelas is the heartwarming story of a small town high school footbal team that just can't seem to win, especially after their star quarterback, Ben Gifford, leaves the team to play soccer. When superintendent Arnold Wierstiener announces that either soccer or football will be cut based on the results of the current season, the football team, led by second-string quarterback Max Holland and coaches Terry Evans and Jeff Barrett, must find a way to revive the team. It is Terry's wife and Social Studies teacher, Erin, and Ben's girlfriend and cheerleader Katie Simpson, who first bring vuvuzelas to the football game to cheer the team on. As the football team gains confidence from the increasing crowds of vuvuzela-blowers, their season turns around and they reach championship. Meanwhile, Katie begins to spend more time with Max. When the football/soccer rivalry peaks as each team sets out to play their final games, Ben must decide whether to stick with soccer, the game he really loves, or come back to football to win back Katie.
Directed by Boaz Yakin
Taylor Lautner as Ben Gifford
Mitch Pileggi as Arnold Wiersteiner
Emile Hirsch as Max Holland
David Boreanaz as Terry Evans
Sean Astin as Jeff Barrett
Kathrine Heigl as Erin Evans
Blake Lively as Katie Simpson
Jremy Piven as soccer coach Bruce Wilksbury
Also featuring: Jonah Hill, Michael Cera, Elijah Kelley, and Vanessa Hudgens
The Fighting Vuvuzelas (altrnate)
Jake, Fred, Will and Judy are four soccer-loving friends, but their personal lives suffer as a result of their obsession with the game. Jake can't keep a girlfriend and is constantly rejected by women, Fred hasn't worked in years, and Will and Judy, though married, don't really get along. But when Jake orders a special vuvuzela from Africa that turns out to have been imbued with wish-granting powers, everything changes. Jake meets Karen, who falls madly in love with him. Fred is suddenly offered a very high-paying job, and Will and Judy renew their vows in a lavish ceremony before heading on vacation in Europe. At the same time, the friends fight amongst each other and eventually go their separate ways. As the wishes granted by the vuvuzela turn out not to provide the happiness they did at first (and are, in fact, fraught with problems and complications), the four friends must decide if the wishes were really worth losing their friendship.
Directed by Tom Shadyac
Luke Wilson as Jake
Andy Richter as Fred
Ed Helms as Will
Kate Hudson as Judy
Anna Friel as Karen
Dreamforce
In the near future, the Oneiros Corporation has developed technology for a government contract which allows specially trained agents to project powerful manifestations of themselves into the real world while in a dream state. These manifestations aren't subject to the laws of physics but can interact with normal matter and are therefore capable of completing otherwise impossible tasks. But a mission to assassinate an enemy leader goes horribly wrong and agent James Donovan goes into a coma. While there, his increasingly insane mind wreaks havok when it continues to project manifestations into the real world. Under the scrutiny of Senator Robert Billings and pressure from corrupt Oneiros Corporation CEO Irving Jackson, the agents of Team Icelus must risk their own lives and sanity by re-entering the dreamstate to stop Donovan from causing further destruction. But is Donovan really insane, or remaining in the dreamstate on purpose? The agents find themselves playing a dangerous game in which they must infiltrate both the Oneiros Corporation and the US government in order to find the truth.
Directed by Michael Bay
Denzel Washington as Agent James Donovan, the rogue agent formerly of Team Icelus
Angelina Jolie as Major Alicia Hendricks, the tough commander of Team Icelus
Olivia Wilde as Agent Tina Lawrence, Icelus demolitions expert
Chris Hemsworth as Agent Aaron Polowski, Icelus infiltration expert
Nestor Carbonell as Agent Ediwn Ruiz, Icelus information expert
Alaina Huffman as Agent Dorothy Abramowitz, Icelus combat expert
Neil Patrick Harris as Oneiros Corporation CEO Irving Jackson
Christopher McDonald as Senator Robert Billings
Space Détente
An unnoticed and untracked piece of debris in earth's orbit collides with the International Space Station, knocking out communications and trapping US astronauts Mike Dexter and Lucy Favreau, Russian cosmonauts Yuri Blasnov and Josef Ivanovich, and German astronaut Rienhold Schlegel on board. Tensions rise when Josef is found dead, apparently murdered. Can the crew discover who the murderer is before they take another life, while racing to repair communications to contact Earth for help? Or will their mistrust ultimately lead to their demise?
Directed by Robert Zemeckis
Mark Wahlberg as Mike Dexter
Julianne Moore as Lucy Favreau
Callum Keith Rennie as Yuri Blasnov
Robert Carlyle as Rienhold Schlegel
James Spader as Josef Ivanovich
A Case of the Mondays
Joe Monday has it rough. When he goes into the office for his job as a news reporter, he finds out the whole paper has shut down and he's now unemployed. When he returns home, he learns that his wife, Allie, has to fly across the country and be with her sister who just had a baby, and Joe must now take care of their two kids, Simon and Ramona. However, strange events begin to transpire across the city, including a herd of cattle suddenly appearing downtown, an entire city block worth of people who find they can only talk in rhymes, and the sudden ability of the family bloodhound, Captain Sparkles, to speak, Joe, Ramona and Simon, with the assistance of Captain Sparkles, must investigate what's going on and put an end to it before the whole city goes completely bonkers! Rated PG for vaguely scary situations.
Directed by Jerry Bruckheimer
Nicholas Cage as Joe Monday
Jennifer Garner as Allie Monday
Abigail Breslin as Ramona Monday
Max Records as Simon Monday
Bruce Willis as the voice of Captain Sparkles
1 comment:
Dude, I would TOTALLY go see a film with Leonardo DiCaprio as Lenin.
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