21 February 2011

How to Destroy the World

Hey everyone, not sure if you've heard yet or not, but it turns out this world is the best of all possible worlds! So when you think about how shitty it is, at least take comfort in the fact that it is not quite as shitty as some other worlds. Things could be a lot worse.

Of course, nobody wants to come right out and say the world's not shitty. It's just the best in comparison. Anyway, the reason I found out about this best of all possible worlds thing is because Christians needed a way to explain why evil exists in a world created by a good and loving God. Makes sense, right? God just made the best world He could. Say what you want about Him, but at least He always tried His hardest.

Now, Christians also go on about some other worlds. There was the world— this world, but different— before things got fucked up, and there's also a world after this world (for some people, anyway) which is, apparently, a vast improvement. That's Christian cosmology for you— it's worlds all the way down!

So, there you have it. This is the best of all possible worlds, with the exception of when it started our and also the next world. Wait, that can't be right. Maybe it's the third best of all possible worlds?

Erm, I suppose what I meant to say was that if you want to talk about a wholly good and powerful God and an world of evil that didn't start out that way and won't end up that way, in the scheme of things, this is sort of the worst of all postulated worlds. Wait, that can't be right either, can it?

There's probably something else Christians say that can help out here. Usually, they didn't have a purpose until they believed in God. So God purposely made a world containing purposelessness so that people required God for meaning and purpose, because simply existing wasn't purpose enough.

Maybe rather than the best of all possible worlds or the worst of all postulated worlds, this world is the least necessary of all existing worlds, since God doesn't need anyone to tell Him why He exists. Wait, that can't be right— why make something unnecessary?

Look, everyone, I was just trying to bring you some good news, but this has become more complicated than I expected. I thought this was the best of all possible worlds, but it might just be the worst of all postulated worlds, or it might not even need to exist at all.

I wonder if Christ on the cross thought to himself, "Now I am become death, destroyer of worlds?"