02 January 2012

How to Fix the Banking System

Not too long ago, banks really hosed us regular folks as a result of their subprime mortgages, undisclosed conflicts of interest, and general unbridled greed. And how did we respond? We allowed our governments to use our money to bail out these asscaps. Thanks a lot and you're welcome, banks.

But when I went into my bank recently, I didn't feel they were appropriately contrite, nor thankful. Come on banks, if corporations can be people, the least you all can do is act like some. It's not like you got anything more than a slap on the wrist from the government.

Something else happened when I was in the bank. A teller called for me, but I couldn't tell which one. Maybe there should be an easier system for knowing where and when it's your turn at the bank, like little numbered tickets. And that got me thinking that maybe we could reform the banks in a way that's never been done before.

I'm talking about deli-banks, folks. You go in, you get your ticket, you get called, you make a deposit, and you withdraw a pastrami sandwich. The pens might be chained down, but the pickles aren't!  Just ask the teller to loan you the mustard!

I could use this closing to make the point that we need to get creative when it comes to thinking of solutions to our various crises. But that point's been made, and it's time to start doing the thing we keep saying we ought to do. So, yeah, it's a silly idea, but until I hear something better, I'm going to assume deli-banks will solve our problems.

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