Here are things I've discovered about myself in my life after evangelical Christianity:
- I'm more willing to extend goodwill to others and give them the benefit of the doubt.
- I'm more joyful and happier as a general state of being
- I'm less angry that the world isn't the way I think it ought to be
- I'm more patient with others. I wait to see what they do, how they resolve an issue, or for them to figure something out I already know, without needing to be in control.
- I'm more apt to adapt to others and their needs and to be willing to help them along whatever path they're on.
- I'm more able to be honest and straightforward with others with the result that issues are resolved and relationships strengthened.
- I've become better at sticking to my commitments instead of turning tail when problems arise.
- I've become more even-tempered, less prone to becoming upset or bothered, or flipping out.
- I'm in better control of myself and my emotions.
The reason I find the experience of growth as a non-Christian interesting is because I wanted to grow as a Christian and had trouble in the areas mentioned above. I honestly think that being a Christian was a hindrance to my growth, and that's disconcerting. However, my experience shouldn't be seen as some kind of condemnation of Christianity— it's not— but it should at least serve as a basis for questioning what we mean when we talk about Christianity and personal improvement.
When I asked myself if there was something about evangelical Christianity that would cause me to find growth— particularly in the area of interpersonal relationships and communication— difficult, I thought about the evangelical view of the world which separates the in and out crowds. No matter how loving or inclusive Christians claim to be (this includes liberal/progressive Christians who say the word "inclusive" like it's going out of style, which it is), any particular form of Christianity always exists as a sort of sub-culture within the world, but never a fully-integrated part of it (St. Paul and I are on opposite sides of this). This means some people are always on the outside, be it non-Christians or Christians with the wrong ideas.
I think that the world is meaningless, or that any inherent meaning is impossible to know or find or communicate, but that people look for and create meaning. I want to find out how they do that and what it looks like, and that's something that's driven— at least in part— my growth as a person. It's not to say that growth is incompatible with Christianity in a general sense. But Christianity and personal improvement are incompatible in my particular case.
The thing that gets me, that is probably upsetting to atheists and Christians alike, and which I honestly find off-putting and wonderful and strange, is that if there were a God who primarily wanted people to love each other as a way to improve the world, then I have to think that such a God would have wanted me to leave evangelical Christianity so that I would love people better.