07 August 2012

How to Be an Asshole

I've written about the problem of gay marriage before. But the powerful pro-civil rights lobby, who want to see all citizens of the USA treated equally under the law, have prevented my proposal from being taken seriously. Damn atheists and their thinking!

Oh, you didn't know that gay people and atheists are working together in a vast conspiracy to undermine the Judeo-Christian hetero-normative lifestyle? Or that those identifying as non-religious outnumber those identifying as LGBT in the United States of America: The Greatest Country on Earth? Well, I'm about to tell you how gays and atheists (gaytheists) are to blame for everything bad that's ever happened.

I'll use two recent incidents as examples, because that's topical, which is probably important. I don't know, I didn't bother researching that word. I know it applies to some ointments and salves. ANYWAY, there was a shooting at a gurdwara in Wisconsin and a fire at a mosque in Missouri, and even though there's absolutely no evidence that gays and atheists were involved, it's still their fault.

If there weren't so many gays and atheists and they weren't insisting on equal rights and the separation of church and state and that sort of reasonable, rational civil rights bullshit, then maybe Christian extremist white supremacists wouldn't be so angry and hateful. The solution isn't to put Christian extremist white supremacists on a domestic terrorism watchlist or to condemn their hatefulness and violence; the solution is to remove the object of their hatred.

So, if Sikhs would stop looking like Muslims and Muslims and atheists would just convert to Christianity and gays would stop being who they were born as, Christian extremist white supremacists wouldn't have anyone left to hate. Except blacks, asians, hispanics, and women. One step at a time, folks.

If we get rid of gays and atheists and other religions, Christian extremist white supremacists will seem more normal. We could just refer to them as Christians and things would be like they were in the 1950's when we all joined together to hate the Commies and worked as one to get more medals than them in the Olympics.

And if we really want to normalize extremism, racism, and hatred, we could try to make things the way they were back in the 1850's. Cultural regression, just as the founding fathers intended.