29 December 2013

Continents Ranked by How Much I Like Songs with the Name of the Continent in the Title

In an attempt to try and avoid being overly prolix and redundant even, here, without further ado (except where grammatically or stylistically necessary), are the Continents Ranked by How Much I Like Songs with the Name of the Continent in the Title.

Dishonorable Mention:
“Antartica” or “Antarctica” (according to YouTube uploader Amirthalingam Kokulan), apparently from the movie Thuppakki. Good one, Bollywood. Clearly not about the continent of Antarctica, and dead awful, apart from the hilariously overblown Segway featured throughout the video.

“Where the Streets Have No Name” by U2. I love this song, but tautologically speaking, I can’t apply it to any particular continent or spacetime coordinates.

Honorable Mention:
“Voyage to Atlantis” by The Isley Brothers. Not an actual continent, but actually the best song to join the mile low club to.

7. South America:
“South American Getaway” by Burt Bacharach. Featured in Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid. I don’t love Burt Bacharach. I don’t hate him either. Anyway, that’s why you came in last, South America, because of ambivalence.

6. Asia
“Heat of the Moment” by Asia. I know it doesn’t have “Asia” in the title. I couldn’t find a song that did. Lots of racist songs and songs about specific countries, but no “Asia”, which is why you get this sappy, atypical prog rock turd.

5. Europe
“A Song for Europe” by Roxy Music. I hadn’t heard of this song before researching for this post (researching being drinking whisky and giving up easily), but I’m digging it. And, like Asia, there are tons of songs about specific countries and cities and landmarks in Europe, but I guess the European Union isn’t as culturally significant as they’d hope to be.

4. Antarctica
“My Antarctica” by Duran Duran. No, the song’s not technically about Antarctica. Shut up. Apart from the shitblizzard above, there aren’t many options for Antarctica. Fortunately, Duran Duran is an awesome option.

3. North America
“America” by Simon and Garfunkel. I know it only lyrically covers Saginaw, Michigan to Pittsburg, Pennsylvania and the New Jersey Turnpike, but it doesn’t specify “United States of…” in the title. Plus, if you live north of the Panama Canal and don’t like this song, you can go suck a catastrophically damaged deep sea crude oil pipeline. With your butt.

2. Australia/Australasia/Oceania
“Down Under” by Men At Work. While actually my favorite song on the list, it misses the top spot only because it doesn’t mention Australia, Australasia, or Oceania in the title.

1. Africa
“Africa” by Toto. But you already knew that, didn’t you?

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