04 November 2014

18 Habits of Highly Suggestible People

If you're like most Americans, you probably wish you were more suggestible. After all, suggestible people enjoy a great deal of success. Consider Nancy Grace, or the Ancient Aliens guy. Hell, even George W. Bush became president, just by being suggestible. So, here are a few tips to help you achieve the success your parents always told you you should have.

1. You are getting sleepy.
2. Focus on your breathing.
3. Feeling relaxed? Good.
4. Believe everything you read on the internet, in newspapers, on TV, or that crazy Uncle Don says.
5. Don't do research. The Nazis did research.
6. Share on social media. If someone offers reasoned arguments against your point, get belligerent.
7. Nothing you think is ever wrong
8. Partisan radio is your friend. Doesn't matter which side, just go with it.
9. ALWAYS bow to the prevailing cultural taste consensus.
10. Charismatic non-experts are better than boring "actual" experts.
11. Believe your friends when they tell you there's nothing wrong with you. Problems are somebody else's fault.
12. It's better to be the individual people expect you too be than the one you really are.
13. Don't pick at that, it'll get infected, and remember, no more vaccines.
14. Try every new diet fad. Tell everyone about your self-diagnosed gluten insensitivity and how you're allergic to something made up.
15. I still think that one guy who definitely didn't bomb the Boston Marathon and had his life disrupted with false accusations probably sort of did it, don't you?
16. Hey, wake up. Not THAT sleepy.
17. A punchy headline trumps years of thorough scientific research. You don't even need to read the article!
18. It's not enough to merely believe whatever you're told, you need CONVICTION.

No comments: